I started writing this blog sitting on the toilet. Not actually ON THE TOILET. I was sitting on the toilet seat, supervising my children's last shower of the summer holidays. It was the most decent scrub that they have had in eight long weeks. I scrubbed their necks and took a bucket of compost from between their toes. Classy, multi-tasking bird that I am, I also necked a large glass of white wine. Let's face it, I couldn't wait a minute longer to celebrate the fact that my darling children are back to school in the morning.
When your baby (or in my case, babies) are born, nature cranks up the 'I-love-this-little-critter-no-matter-what' hormones. These hormones help you through the first exhausting months. By the time your offspring are ready for First Class, nature kindly turns on your children's 'Really Annoying Button'. It can be activated at any time over the summer holidays, but is most likely to be fully activated in the week before your children go back to school. Brought on by over-excitement and anticipation of going back to school, it's also natures way of saying to the grown ups - 'Let 'Em Go'. (Queue a group rendition of a rather annoying song from the Frozen movie).
The Really Annoying Button
* helps your child to turn any found implement into a whistle
* encourages even normally mild mannered children into American Wrestleresque monsters
* increased your child's reflex action and draws their pointy little limbs like magnets to kick and punch objects and other individuals. This is particularly applicable when an adult has recently received a rather nasty injury to a knee, while running. It is guaranteed that children, usually wearing boots, will be drawn to said knee. Even in a space the size of a football pitch, the children will seek it out and whack it at regular intervals
* gives your child an extra supply of tears and sad face, which are turned on anytime the grown ups want to do anything on their own.
* encourages your children to speak in high pitched tones at all times
* ensures that no child will be asleep before 11pm any night. Sure, how could they ? With the 15 trips to the toilet, 6 glasses of water, 2 trips to the fridge, 43 REALLY IMPORTANT questions, bed swapping and sibling punching, how could you expect a child to sleep ?
This morning was our last lie-in before the hum-drum of the school routine kicks in. I made a cup of tea, grabbed the leftover Sunday newspapers and hopped back into bed. The children soon joined me. I felt a real sadness that my two and a half weeks at home with them had gone so quickly. But very soon, the Really Annoying Button went on turbo boost. I wondered if the school staff were at work today and if they wouldn't mind taking my children a day early.
I confess, I escaped on my own for a few glorious hours today. I partly justified this by buying the last few bits and pieces for school. But really, I just wanted time on my own. Before I knew it, it was bed time. I aimed for 8pm, but managed to have two heads snoring by 8.45pm. I'll write another blog soon, reflecting on their summer adventures. It will probably be nostalgic and have a slight rose tinted hue. I'll wake in the morning and feel a mixture of pride and sadness as my children embark on their adventures in First Class, with their new teacher. Right now though, I'm just feeling relieved.