Saturday, 13 September 2014

An Open Letter to my MS

An Open Letter to my MS. 

Dear 'my' MS.  Funny, that I call you mine. I'd prefer to disown you, or that we had never met. Most relationships come about by some sort of mutual consent.  But you.  You just landed in on me three years ago, without an invitation.  Despite the hostile reception you received at the time and since then, you couldn't take the hint and just go.  Although you are always there, I don't like you any more than the day that I first encountered you.  I'll never be comfortable in your company. 

But I've done my best. I've been more than generous to you. I've nurtured you with a diet of good food, exercise and clean living (most of the time).  I inject myself into my thigh for you once a week.  It bloody hurts and the flu like symptoms that follow the following day aren't much fun either.  All of this without gratitude or reward. 

The thing that I don't really don't like about you is that you are a spoil sport.  You hate seeing me having fun.  You really know how to pick your moments, don't you ? Over the last week, you have hung out of me and drained me, while so many lovely things have happened around me.  The children going back to school, visiting friends with a new baby, friends calling over to watch a match and have a few drinks. In the midst of all this loveliness, I've found it hard to just be in good form. To enjoy simple things. I'm going through the motions, but it feels like I'm not there.  I almost feel like I am having an out of body experience. I'm eating food, but not tasting it, hoping to eat my way through the nausea.  My senses are super sensitive, with noise driving me crazy.  In a house with two seven year old,  that's not easy.  I sound like a broken record asking the children to stay quiet because I can't bare their boisterousness.   

September is one of my busiest  times work wise.  But you know that, don't you ? You have been on my back all week, making it all more laborious.  Could you not just leave me alone, until after next week ?  Or maybe until I'm 75 ? Or at least until the children have left home ?  I resent what you have done to me.  I resent what you have done to my brother too.  You have one sick sense of humour.  I know that you treat others a lot worse than me, but today, I don't take any consolation in that.  You and me will never be friends. Hopefully tomorrow will be a brighter day and I'll bounce back and be philosophical about it all. 

But for now my MS, I just want to give you a two finger salute. 

Yours sincerely, Lucina


  1. Fantastic Lucina! I believe everyone should write an open letter to their MS, it's quite good for the soul :) When I wrote mine back in January, I had no idea it would be picked up by Novartis, but that aside, I actually felt it was a healing exercise. Love your writing, so please keep it up!

  2. Thank you ! Just checking - is that you Willeke ?