HELL IN A SEVEN SEATER

I wrote this 'pre blog site' two years ago.  The car has been down sized and there's been a few other changes in the meantime, but it stills seems terribly familiar ...

Ah, a Sunday family day out. Warm, fuzzy feeling. Little mammy-in-law and himself up front. Working Mamma sees the opportunity for quality conversation with squiddiewinks in the back. Not even out the gate and they are fighting over who sits with the dog on the back seat and who sits beside me. No one wants to sit with dog, or in their car seats. They both want to sit on my knee. Discussion about 'but you are 6 now' ... road safety ... they couldn't give a monkeys. I relent and boney ass Mya sits on my knee to Dublin ... and accidently headbutts me in the face.

I'm hungreeeeee, I'm thirsteeeee, I need to go to the toilet, I'm BURSTING !

The DVD player won't work.  Read manual, consult Youtube, it still won't work. I'm sooooo bored ... why won't the DVD player work Mam, why, why, why ? I'm sooooo bored. Mam, why, mameeeeeee ?

Wee man starts kicking the seat and he has found a goddamn whistle. Just as well mammy-in-law is there, or the language would be blue. Veiled threats. Kids don't even hear. They are too busy biting each others hair. The dog tries to get in the front seat of the car. He can't manage reversing, and so sticks his bum in my face turning around, claws in your leg.

One last try - The DVD player works ! Squids fight over which DVD to watch. They finally agree, but keep turning up the volume. Little mammy-in- law seems to be asking me questions, as I can see her lips move, but I hear nothing. I nod and smile back. Kids open each others seat belts. Another road safety lecture and no one is listening. Threats to turn off DVD if they dont turn it DOWN NOW !!!!

Arrive at father-in-laws grave in Rush.

It's raining.

Dog escapes from car and charges across graveyard.

Frowns from other people.

Dog pees on someones headstone ... at least it's raining.

Rescue the dog and apologise.

Morto

(Still morto at time of writing)...

And now, the big surprise ... plane spotting at Dublin Airport.  Even with SatNav,we get lost.

Feels like we will never get there.  Kids kick their car seats. 

We get there.

Dusk, airport lit up, lots to see - perfect - what thoughtful parents we are !

Kids show no interest in planes, airport, or their parents. They complain that we are too far away and are more concerned that the dog will escape. No one looks up at planes. Grown ups feign enthusiasm. Grown ups have steam coming out their ears.

Let's get out of here ... Fighting over who sits where.

I've had a glass of vino, so I ain't driving.

DVD is louder than the aeroplanes. It starts to skip.

Wet, mucky dog tries to get into front seat, standing on clean jackets and managed to put his paw in my handbag.

Fighting, moaning.  Where did he get that fucking whistle ?!  I can't cope. I make Boney Ass sit in her own seat and retreat to the back seat with the dog.  He stinks and he is wet. He puts his wet, stinky head on my wool dress. He doesn't ask any question or give me the evil eye.

I close my eyes.

Peace.

Mam, are we nearly there ? Mam ? Maaaaam ?!