Monday, 29 February 2016

Dear Mr Pinergy Man

Dear Mr Pinergy Man, At least, I think that you are a man. The two text messages that I received from Pinergy referred to you as ‘our installer.’ The messages made me feel like we were all in this thing together. This common desire to save money and energy efficiency. This momentum that I felt build since your colleague with the nice Limerick accent cold-called me last week. Her accent made me think of Paul O’Connell and I could almost hear ‘Ireland’s Call’ in the background. ‘I’m switching for Ireland’, I convinced myself. And so, I awaited you this morning, Mr Pinergy Man. ‘8am-1pm’ the text message said. The person on the phone last week said that she would ‘’take note of your request for the first call of the day, but can’t guarantee anything’. The person who phoned to reconfirm on Saturday noted my request and said that my installer would be in touch on Monday morning. The text message that I received at 17.53pm yesterday, Sunday, said that ‘our installer will contact you shortly with an approx. arrival time. Rgds PINERGY. ‘These guys are so hot, they are smoking,’ I thought, ‘any wonder that Paulie loved them.’ I was up super early this morning waiting on you, Mr Pinergy Man. Washed, groomed, schmancy guna and all. I was worried that you would arrive at 8am while I was getting the children ready for school. So, we were all up and ready to go at an unthinkable hour. The children sat, noses to the window waiting for you. ‘Sorry guys’, I said to the two disappointed faces as they left for school. And so I waited. And waited. I was afraid that I’d miss you, so I brought my phone with me to the toilet and out to the bins. And I waited. And then I waited some more. I phoned the mobile number that I received the text message from, but the automated voice mail said ‘this ain’t no connection’, or words to that effect. As time went on, I was worried that I wouldn’t make my lunch time appointment. I couldn’t get through to the person that I was supposed to meet by phone. The person whom I had been trying to meet with since Christmas. I could feel a cold sweat. Should I stay or should I go ? Finally, as she was driving towards our appointment, I caught my lunch date. I felt that my excuse was lame. Of ‘the dog ate my homework’ variety. At 12.50pm, I received a text message. Was it from you directly ? It stated ‘Hi. Sorry for the inconvenience but your meter installation appointment has been changed to tomorrow. Thanks, PINERGY.’ Eh, what’s this ‘THANKS’ business, Mr Pinergy Man ? Where have you been for the last FIVE HOURS. You obviously haven’t been reading my recent blogs, Mr Pinergy Man. If you had, you would know that I have barely had a minute to myself in the last year. That my ‘me time’ is non-existent. You would know that my birthday hair ‘do is weeks overdue. I could have walked the hind legs of my doggy. Both mutts and I would have been the better of it. I could have gone to work (you know, the important thing that I asked your colleagues to record in your notes). I hear you protest. ‘But you could have worked from home’. No, I couldn’t actually – not when I was lepping up every five minutes checking my phone and looking out the window, wondering which door you would come to. You should know that if I had FIVE FLIPPING HOURS to kill, it wouldn’t be for you to do a no-show. `The text that I received at four hours and fifty minutes into the 5-hour appointment window did nothing to make me feel better. Even though Ireland won an Oscar award or two last night. If I was a cartoon, I would have had steam coming out my ears. Yip, I was that annoyed. I called your colleague on the Customer ‘Care’ phone number, ready to go on a rant, determined to never, ever, ever deal with Pinergy again. Nice Guy on the Phone sensed that I was more than extremely annoyed. I felt a Paul O’Connell roar coming from my gut. But Nice Guy seemed to genuinely felt my pain. He explained that ten other installations hadn’t happened today. Ten ! I assume that was ten other people who also didn’t receive a call or message from you, or yours to let them know what was going on. People like me, who ended up with Wednesdays level of stress on a Monday. ‘We can call tomorrow?’ he suggested politely. Tomorrow ? After loosing five precious hours from my week and it’s only just started, badly, I DON’T THINK SO! ‘To make up for our unfortunate error, we can give you e40 credit on your account ?’ ‘FORTY?’ We made a deal. Next Friday 11th. Between 1 and 6pm. Apparently. Can I trust you Mr Pinergy Man ? Shoulder to shoulder, like ?

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