Best of #twinnieisms 2014

I finally joined Twitter in June this year.  It's been a long, hard road, trying to get myself out there in Twitter Land to share the shenanigans of my lovely seven year old twins Leon and Mya, captured through the #twinnieisms and other happenings that I find funny, even if no one else does.  I have yet to achieve world domination, but if the #twinnieisms brighten one persons day, I'll be a happy gal.  Here's a snapshot of their antics over the last few months.  Enjoy.

@RussellLucina Dec 28 

My heart in my mouth driving in frost. 'Just think of warm, hot summers Mam & it will all seem better' #twinnieisms 

@RussellLucina Dec 24 

Leon, writing up 2015 calendar. 'Mam, isn't your birthday near Loving's Day?' 'It's Valentine's Day son' #twinnieisms 

‏@RussellLucina Dec 24 

Wee man doesn't like the idea of Santa sneaking around while we sleep. Says he prefers the 'pretend Santas' instead #twinnieisms

@RussellLucina Dec 21   

'Mam, if you squish your boobies together, they look like a bum. You should glue them together and draw googly eyes on them #twinnieisms

@RussellLucina Dec 21  

Early AM conversation '#Santa has to go everywhere Mam, places like Connaught and Brazil' #twinnieisms

@RussellLucina Dec 20  

'YOU are not the boss of me. God is', sez the young fella. I didn't ask if God was a man or a woman #twinnieisms #HeDidntHearThatFromMe

@RussellLucina Dec 13

#Christmas decorating underway. Leon wants to 'invite people to turning on of the lights' #twinnieisms #PartyInMine

‏@RussellLucina Dec 13  

Mya is hoping she doesn't get 'stage fright' during her school carol service tomorrow #twinnieisms #Christmas #Frozen

‏@RussellLucina Dec 11  

How to explain that the mutt is having the snip tomorrow #BirdsAndTheBees #twinnieisms 'Mam, is Hudson going to die? 

‏@RussellLucina Dec 10  

Oh no ! Leon decided to  hack his hair off. Looks like an escapee #twinnieisms #ScissorSisters #LOLS

@RussellLucina Dec 9 

Watching @jamieoliver stuffing a #Christmas goose on TV. 'Where did its poo go Mam ... And its head ... And it's eyeballs ... ?' #twinnieisms

@RussellLucina Dec ??? 

Hysterical tears ... 'Mam, Leon said I'm rubbish at singing the #Frozen song'. #TheUltimateInsult #twinnieisms

‏@RussellLucina Dec 3

Wee man asked if he could have a fork to scratch his bum. #twinnieisms @newbridgesilver

@RussellLucina Dec 1??

3am shout from the bedroom 'Dad, can I have a chocolate from my #Advent calendar ?' #Christmas #twinnieisms

‏@RussellLucina Nov 29

'Mam ! Mam ! Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me'. 'What does that mean Mya ?' 'I don't know' #twinnieisms

@RussellLucina Nov 24 

Wee man roars -I love Dad and Mya and my friends and Hudson and hens and the gold fish and my dead pets more than I love you!! #twinnieisms

@RussellLucina Nov 22 

Wee man appears with the vacuum cleaner 'I need to cool down my armpits' #twinnieisms

@RussellLucina Nov 22 

Saturday 6.20am. The ideal time for kids to reread all of their old birthday cards. Look at this one Mam !' #WhatLieOn? #twinnieisms

@RussellLucina Nov 12  

Hysterical 7 year old announces that his twin sister has 'ruined his life' because she won't share her Moshi Monster toys #twinnieisms

@RussellLucina Nov 8  

My kids thought that the safe in the hotel wardrobe was a microwave @dromolandcastle #dontgetoutmuch #twinnieisms

@RussellLucina Nov 6  

6am bedroom visit from my boy and the dog. 'Mam, Hudson's farts stink. They aren't fresh and clean like mine' #perfumepants #twinnieisms

@RussellLucina Nov 3  

Wee man in a heap with the winter vomiting bug. His sad, watery face looked up from the bowl. 'Mam, am I going to die ?' Cratur #twinnieisms

‏@RussellLucina Oct 11 

Mam, can you look for 'naked people getting wedgies' on YouTube, sez my boy. Don't think so son #twinnieisms

@RussellLucina Oct 9 

'Mam, I wouldn't like a staple in my nose or my bum', sez Leon. 'Me neither', sez I #twinnieisms

@RussellLucina  Oct 3  

Leon looked at this T-shirt in the mirror. Mam, does this say 'A nuts ass ?' (His t-shirt read  SA TUNA) LOL #twinnieisms

@RussellLucina  Oct 2  

5.20am, Leon roaring, SOMEONE help me now PLEASE ! I run like Liam Neeson in Taken. The boy just needed 'an emergency cuddle' #twinnieisms

‏@RussellLucina Sep 28 

'Mam, what would happen if you stuck your tongue out at a Garda ?' I suggested that he tries it out to see #twinnieisms

‏@RussellLucina Sep 25  

Early AM question from Leon 'Mam, why does the #ploughingchampionships2014 have to take place in a field ?' #twinnieisms

‏@RussellLucina Sep 17 

Bathroom invasion as I apply fake tan. After a sniff, my boy tells me that I 'still smell better than the dog' #twinnieisms

@RussellLucina Sep 14  

6am Q & A with my boy, looking at photo of The Kiss sculpture. 'Why are the people naked ? Are they just showing off ?' #twinnieisms

@RussellLucina Sep 14  

Usual battle to dress Leon. 'Mam, if you let me wear the clothes that I want to wear, I'll be as happy as a big smiley face' #twinnieisms :-)

@RussellLucina Sep 8  

#jammakingonaschoolnight Leon watching blackberries boil. 'Look Mam, they have turned into raspberries', as they turn red #twinnieisms

‏@RussellLucina Sep 3 

'Mam, can we buy cat food ?' 'We don't have a cat Leon'. '... Just in case we get one Mam' #twinnieisms

@RussellLucina Aug 28 

'Mam, can you give me a cuddle so that I don't get sore ?' ;Sore, what do you mean Mya ?' 'Cuddles stop my growing pains' #twinnieisms

@RussellLucina Aug 28

'Are you picking your nose again Leon ?'  'No, Mam, I'm just cleaning it out' #twinnieisms

@RussellLucina Aug 27 

Feeling like a big man, having moved into First Class, Leon said the Junior Infants 'are so small and adorable' #twinnieisms

@RussellLucina Aug 27  

Mya : 'What was my first word as a baby?' 'Mama'.  Leon 'what was mine?' 'Dada'. 'Why wasn't it ''wood''? ' #twinnieisms #firstdaybackbrainworking

@RussellLucina Aug 21 

'Mam, can you give me a wedgie, so that I can scratch myself ?' #twinnieisms

@RussellLucina Aug 12  

Home after four day in their grandparents house in Meath. 'It's good to be back in Ireland' sez little man #twinnieisms

... Archiving their earlier twinnieisms (pre hash tag) is a work in progress ...

Mammy, Come Out To Play

This article was first published on the MS Ireland 'MS and Me' blog site on November 27 2014

Writing blog posts for the 'MS and Me' website usually cost me nothing but my time and perhaps a bit of chipped nail varnish. This one has cost me hard cash. Let me explain. Given that I am writing about my children's understanding of their mother having Multiple Sclerosis for this blog, I decided that I should be rigorous in my approach and so, carry out some qualitative research and interview them. 

The interview with my almost-seven-year-old twins went something like this ... Me, serious interviewers face on, with red pointy lipstick, notebook and pen in hand...

'Mya and Leon, you know the way Mam writes stories about MS for a website sometimes?’  Two suspicious faces look at me, none too impressed, eyebrows raised, nodding.  'Can I interview you both and ask you what it is like to have a Mam with MS?’  Their joint response? 'No'.  I adopt a sad face. ‘Please? Pretty please? You are such good kids. It would make me really happy'.  'NO Mam, it's boring'.  'I'll pay you. This is REALLY important'.  My boy barters with me on their behalf. 'We want two paper monies Mam. Two fives'.  'TWO fives !!'  I can see from their faces that they mean business.   'Okay, that's one five each. Not two fives each. Deal?’

A deal is struck. We sit around a table. 

'Right guys, do you know what MS is?’  Two blank faces look back at me, smiling.  'Do you remember when I explained to you about the little cuts on Mammy's brain and how they can make her sick sometimes?’  There is a faint look of this sounding familiar, but they say nothing. I'm a bit disappointed.  I thought that I did an excellent job with my child-friendly chats about MS. 

'Why do you think I inject myself in the leg every week?'  Now, the children look animated.  Leon puffs his chest out, 'When I had my injection in school last year, I didn't cry. Amy did.  She wanted her Mammy'. Mya has a similar tale, saying that her injection didn't hurt, not even 'one single little bit'. 

Mya reminds me that she always runs to get me tissues if my leg bleeds and rubs my thigh if it is particularly painful. She than recalls the sorry tale of when she fell over his bicycle and cut her knees earlier in the summer.

I changed tack. 'What is it like for you two to have a Mam with MS?’ Mya asked me if I could cook some pasta. Leon threw his eyes up and said, 'Oh man, this is SOOOOO boring' and runs outside to play.

Interview ceased, 17.35pm

I've tried to reinstigate the conversation on a number of occasions. Each time, I've been met with similar sighs and groans.  My conclusion?  My perception of how my MS affects my children is very different than theirs.

My children were three and a half when I was diagnosed with MS.  Since that time, I have spent too much time feeling guilty about the fact that I don't always have as much energy for them as I would like.  Bedtime stories not read, cakes not baked, unrealised art projects.  Times when I cannot bear noise, light or touch and want to lie in a quiet, darkened room.  Times when I have locked us all in the house, let them loose on the contents of the fridge, with the TV babysitting, while I slept.

Reality check: I work full-time in a rewarding, but hectic job. I am 40 years young. I'm sure that other working mommas, who don't have MS, experience similar guilt. 

My MS is pretty stable since my diagnosis, but from time to time, I do worry about my health in the longer term. I worry about what sort of mother I will be. Will I be able to provide for them until they are financially independent? My biggest dread is being a 'burden' on my children.

Generally though, I focus on the good stuff. Our shared 'joie de vivre'. Like my boy accompanying me on my runs.  His aim: to make me a faster runner to win medals to give to him.  My aim: to improve my fitness and help my overall wellbeing.  Or my conversations on car journeys with my little girl, laughing our heads off and making pinkie promises to always be my best friend. Our day trips. The many parties and adventures with their friends.

All children are adaptable.  If anything, my medical condition has made my children more patient.  If I have fatigue or feel low, both myself and the children can enjoy cuddles on the couch. They may have jam sandwiches for tea from time to time, but hey! They both like jam and strawberries are fruit...

Maybe when my children are older, they will read this piece and contradict everything that I have written. They may talk about their damaged childhood.  The missed opportunities.  They might even sue me ! But I'd like to think that they would say that they have empathy for other people and have an appreciation of little things.  And no fear of needles.  

POST SCRIPT: I've just read this article out to my children, asking what they thought about it. Mya said she understands most of the words and smiles at me. She likes that I have said nice things about her. Leon said that it 'was too boring to listen' too. 

Flipping Christmas Cards

It's amazing how cathartic it is to say it out loud.  I flipping HATE writing Christmas cards.  Almost as such as I hate washing windows and more than I hate plucking my eye brows.  Each of these tasks give a certain sense of satisfaction when it is complete, but it's the 'doing' that gets me.

I will never be one of those people who are super organised for Christmas.  I'll blame the fact that I work full time, but I think I'd be the same if I was Home Alone all day.  (Notice my Christmas film reference there, Ho-Ho-Ho).  I can't deal with anything Christmas related in November.  I'm more of a post 8th December kinda gal.

Selecting Christmas cards is the first dilemma.  Last year, I was organised enough to make a small forest worth of handmade cards, with marbled paper Christmas trees.  Even if I say so myself, they looked good.  I spent nights assembling them with my children (even though I ended up doing most of the work).  I had that rare, but lovely, domestic goddess moment.  Of course I didn't make enough in the first batch, so I had to make some more.  That was the bit that got me, pulling all of the bits out for a second time.

I couldn't face an assembly line of card making this year, so I headed to the shops.  The balance between buying half decent charity cards for grown ups and cheap 'n' nasty for the children.  I never buy enough of the good uns and end up sending the cheap 'n' nasty to some of the grown ups who deserve better.

Then there's the packets of cards that you buy that look okay.  When you get home, you realise that the quality of the paper is rubbish - not much better than the paper hats out of Christmas crackers.  I feel like a cheapskate.  You beat yourself up for not spending an extra two euro for the super deluxe version.

Then it's off to the Post Office for stamps.  Of course, you should do this in November, so sometime when it looks quiet.  You could be clever and buy two euros worth from the machine outside the PO every now and then, spreading the cost and eliminating the stress.  Do I ?  No !!!  I wait until there is a queue down the street and around the corner, a day after the recommended date for 'late date for posting'.  When I get to the end of the queue, I ask for two books of stamps and the nice man says 'that will be e34 when you are ready love'.  Good job I am leaning against the counter - e34 !  Maybe I don't need two books ....  But I can't take the risk of having to queue again, so I take the two and do a quick tot of the cost of cards and stamps.  I thought of the nice pair of boots I told myself that I couldn't afford ...

Then it's of home to write the flipping things ... except I do everything I can to avoid writing them.  I even consider washing windows.  When I get down to it, I try to write something other than the obvious greetings.  I imagine the recipient taking down last years card (that no doubt has been carefully minded, being hand made 'n' all and comparing, saying 'She wrote the exact same thing as last year, how lazy is that ?!' I write notes, saying that 'it's been too long' and sincerely stating that 'we must meet up' soon.

My little girl, thrilled with her new found writing and spelling skills, offers to help write the cards, her kind little face looking at me.  I feel guilty as I say no.  I can't bear extending the pain any longer than necessary.  I remind her that she did a great job writing all of her own cards for her school friends.  She seems happy with that and says she will hug me instead.  Have you ever tried to write a batch of cards, being bear-hugged by a seven year old ?  I still have a crick in my neck days later.

My hand writing is TERRIBLE !  I attribute this to three things

1. A dodgy pen - as cheap 'n' nasty as most of the cards I bought, which either runs out of ink half way through writing a card, or smudges on the card.

2. Lack of practice.  Other than signing my name on documents and scrawled 'to do' lists and ramblings in notebooks, for my eyes only, I don't really do much hand writing these days.  I re read my cards and find them largely illegible.  I fix up the letters and make a big mess of the whole thing.

3. Writing while being bear-hugged by an amorous seven year old.

There is no order to my card writing.  I have an address book, which is terribly out of date.  Most of the addresses are in a notebook.  The rest are scattered through the seven notebooks I have on the go at the one time.  Each year, I have to phone my mother to seek out a few addresses.  The same addresses as last year.  I write them on a lone piece of paper, with the intention of transferring them to the afore mentioned address book for next year.  The paper ends up shrivelled in the bottom of my handbag and then the bin, without any transfer of information to my little black book.

Here's another big issue - my friends and family keep moving house !  364 days of the year, this isn't a problem.  It kinda takes something away from sending cards when you had to text the recipient a few days previously asking for their address.  It takes that 'OMG, a card from Lucina.  What a surprise !' away.  I have been REALLY lazy on a few occasions, sending cards to my friends parents address, hedging my bets that they will visit their folks sometime over the holidays.

I broke the back on my card-writing the other night.  I posted a big batch the following day, delighted with myself.  Now there's a few people who I THINK I sent a card to ... but did I just THINK it, or actually SEND it ? Did I make a list and check it twice before I sent the cards to avoid this problem ? The hell I did.

Then there is cards that I don't send, to people that I have made my mind up that I will DEFINITELY see over the holidays.  I can hand deliver.  Chances are, come January, that I will have a batch of cards sitting there, never delivered.  The expensive charity ones.  I probably wrote 'best wishes for 2015', so I can't recycle them next year.

I could just save myself the hassle and go for the group text or Book Face option.  But it's not the same, is it ?  I love getting cards myself.   I love reading the cards that the children get.  Hanging the christmas cards is an important part of our decorations.  Also, it's nice to think that someone thought of you, especially under a highly pressurised situation like Christmas !

Today is Saturday.  Christmas is on Thursday (I'm just reminding you incase you weren't aware).  I still have cards to write.  One of them to send to England, if only I had an address.  The last minute cards will look like an after thought.  But believe me, I've thought about it plenty.  I really should step away from the laptop and get card writing ...

But I notice a stray eyebrow that needs seeing to first.

A Shave Too Close

Determined not to allow me to relax until the latest possible hour, my two seven year old children usually decide that they are hungry, just as I put my feet up for the night.   However, this fetching and fussing over them allows me to feel more Mammy-like, so I don't really mind.  My two tend to graze, eating little and often.  These late snacks fill that gap and are usually something healthy, homemade and comforting.  Domestic bliss, or what ?

Last night, I was on the usual Last Orders duties.  I was vaguely aware of Leon asking me if he could cut his hair.  He often snips at this hair, with his handiwork being barely visible, so I don't pass much remarks.  A haircut was scheduled for this weekend, so a little advance snipping would get the ball rolling.  Anyway, I like my children to experiment and let them try things out, so I said 'okay'.  I can't say that I recall telling him to take it easy though ...

While I was perfecting the toasties in the kitchen and pottering around, my boy hacked the head off himself, with the sharpest scissors in the house.  Oh holy Harry.

The lights were dimmed in the sitting room, so the full extent of what he did wasn't apparent.  The give away was the rather large plate of hair stacked in front of him.  I gulped and marched him down to the bathroom, with his sister Mya shrieking with laughter.

It was a lot worse than I first realised.  How he didn't cut his scalp, I don't know.  I couldn't keep a straight face.  I couldn't but laugh, but I also wanted to cry.  My beautiful boy looked like he had been attacked with a blunt knife.  All under my watch ...

I called a friend who has a hair clippers.  We hopped in the car and an emergency remedial haircut was carried out.  Unfortunately, Leon hacking was so severe, that even a no. 1 haircut couldn't cover up the damage.


I gave him a shower when we got home, hoping that a good shampooing would soften the effect.  It didn't.  My laughing stopped and I started to feel guilty.  I DID know he has a scissors ...

When other grown up came home later, I suggested that he might want to peep in at his boy.  'What the f*** happened him ?!' was the not-unexpected reaction.  'Where were you when he did that to himself?'  I put on my little girl voice.  'I was here.  I told him he could cut his hair'.  I mumbled words about self expression and learning by experience.  I felt irresponsible and a bit guilty.  What was I thinking ???

We both worried that Leon would get laughed at in school today.  His remedial no. 1 haircut was pretty dramatic, so there was no hiding that something had happened.  He looks part escaped convict and part kid with major head surgery.  There wasn't a bother on him going to school, apart from the fact that his favourite school t-shirt that he was wearing last night was covered in hair.  Apparently that was my fault and was the thing that he gave me grief about.

Today was the children's Christmas trip.  They attended a rather fabulous performance 'A Most Peculiar Wintry Thing' in Riverbank Arts Centre, where I work.  I popped out of my office to say hello.  Leon's teacher has seen my post on Facebook last night about the offending 'do.  She reassured me that his classmates hadn't particularly noticed anything, apart from the tight haircut.  My heart lifted.  Queuing to go into the theatre, Leon smiled at me, excited that he was 'at Mammy's work' with his classmates.  I could see that he wasn't bothered about the haircut.

My boy is blessed with a big thick head (of hair), inherited from me.  I'm sure that he will thank me for that in years to come.  I know that the 'incident' will be unnoticeable in a few weeks time, except from my invisible scars from the trauma.  For now, I'll enjoy rubbing his lovely, spikey little head.  The monkey.

Lidl

I wouldn't consider myself a snob, but I must say, it took me quite a while to get used to the idea of shopping in Lidl.  Maybe it was the bright yellow signage that put me off.  The glare of the yellow suggested 'cheap n nasty'.  In the past, if I mentioned that I bought something in Lidl, I would go to great lengths to explain that I couldn't find what I was looking for elsewhere.  I wouldn't use Lidl shopping bags, preferring the more tactile cloth bags from 'other' shops and let's face it, pretending I was shopping somewhere else.

It's funny though, because I love telling people about my bargain-clothes-buying-ventures.  Shameless I am.  The more important the occasion I am shopping for, the more likely I am to seek out the bargain of the century to wear. And then, rather than accept a compliment about my chosen ensemble, I am more likely to say 'This ?  Would you believe that I bought it for e5 ? And it's silk !'

As the years have gone by, I have gotten over my snootiness and will hold my head as high as I head in  the sliding doors of Lidl.



Since the arrival of Lidl in Ireland, I've observed a few things ....

EARLY MORNING SHOPPING   In provincial towns like Athy (and Kingscourt, near where I grew up) some shops don't open until 10am (even on Christmas Eve - As I learned last year !).  Last week, I had an early morning dash to Lidl for a few supplies for school lunches.  I was in the car park at 7.50am.  There were already people waiting for the door to open, tapping their feet.  Did they all buy souped-up alarm clocks in afore mentioned supermarket ?

EARLY MORNING SHOPPING (OLDER MEN)  Following on from my observation above, I've noticed that most of the early morning shoppers were older men.  What was so urgent that they need to shop at 8am ?  They looked more impatient than me for the doors to open.  And when they got inside, they didn't make a dash for the gadget aisle either.  A craving for nougat maybe ?

MEN SHOPPERS (ALL AGES)  It has became okay for fellas to be seen in shops that sell groceries.  With the range of gadgets on display, fellas can pretend that they are buying a drill, or a ladder, when they are actually looking for toilet roll (which they hide behind a 6 pack of cheap beer).

MEN SHOPPERS (IN GROUPS)  This is an odd one.  Clatters of fellas browsing the aisles.  Fellas that you would only expect to see gathered together in the audience of Top Gear.

SPORTS GEAR Which came first - the chicken, or the egg ?  Or in this case, was it Lidl, or sports gear ? Stuff you wear for Triathlons.  Wet suits, running trousers.  Stuff that Joe Public didn't know existed until Lidl opened its doors.  Did the sudden availability of good quality buoyant swim gear encourage people to dive into rivers and become sports addicts ?

BUTTERNUT SQUASH Probably my most favourite thing in Lidl ... well, that and decent mozzarella cheese, antipasti stuff, walnuts and rocket.  And reasonably priced olive oil.  In turn, other local supermarkets have followed suit and the range of food in small regional towns is now positively continental.

TRIPLE PLY TOILET ROLL All I'm saying is, once you have tried it, you will never look back (excuse the pun).  Aloe Vera enhanced and all.  The male shoppers favourite.

WAFFLE MAKERS I bet you all have bought a waffle maker, haven't you ?  I used mine once and then retired it to the Gadget Land Grave Yard, returning to my pancakes on the pan.

I have felt compromised by the large multi national in a small town (and more on the way).  But at least Lidl is usually located IN the town, which you would hope encourages people to 'stay local'.  I seek out the Irish brands where I can.  I have found that Lidl doesn't have 'all of the colours in all of the sizes' on my shopping list, so I do shop in other supermarkets too.  There certainly seems to be better value all around out there.  

Where ever I do go shopping though, I'll go armed with my anonymous sisal shopping bags and my Orla Kiely one too.  Classy bird that I am, butternut squash eating 'n' all.

** Please note that the references to male shoppers and the photo of the butter nut squash are not related.  I promise.

Photo of butter nut squash borrowed from http://www.finecooking.com/item/5127/butternut-squash